Proverbs

Wisdom in Proverbs

The book of Proverbs is the primary locus of prudential wisdom--that is, rules and regulations people can use to help themselves make responsible, successful choices in life. In contrast to Ecclesiastes, which uses a speculative cynicism as its wisdom foil, and Job, which uses speculative wisdom about the unfairness of life in this world, proverbial wisdom concentrates mostly on practical attitudes. As a generalization, it is useful to note that Proverbs teaches what might be called "old fashioned basic values." No parent wants his or her child to grow up unhappy, disappointed, lonely, socially rejected, in trouble with the law, immoral, inept, or broke. It is neither selfish nor unrealistic for a parent to wish a child a reasonable level of success in life--including social acceptance, freedom from want, and moral uprightness. Proverbs provides a collection of pithy advisory statements designed to do just that. There is no guarantee, of course, that a life will always go well for a young person. What proverbs does say is that, all things being equal, there are basic attitudes and patterns of behavior that will help a person grow into responsible adulthood.

Proverbs continually presents a sharp contrast between choosing the life of wisdom and choosing the life of folly. What characterizes the life of folly? Folly is characterized by such things as violent crime (Proverbs 1:10-19; 4:14-19), careless promising or pledging (Proverbs 6:1-5), laziness (6:7-11), malicious dishonesty (6:12-15), and sexual impurity, which is especially odious to God and harmful to an upright life (2:16-19; 5:3-20; 6:23-35; 7:4-27;9:13-18; 23:26-28). In addition, Proverbs urges such things as caring for the poor (2:22, 27), respect for governmental leaders (23: 1-3; 24: 21-22), the importance of disciplining children (23:19-21, 29-35), and regard for one's parents (23:22-25)

Specifically religious language is seldom used in Proverbs; it is present (cf. 1:7; 3:5-12; 15:3, 8-9, 11; 16:1-9; 22:9, 23; 24:18, 21; et al.) but it does not predominate. Not everything in life has to be strictly religious to be godly. Indeed, Proverbs can help serve as a corrective to the extremist tendency to spiritualize everything, as if there were something wrong with the basic material, physical world; as if God had said, "It is bad" rather than "It is good" when he first looked on what he had made.

Uses and Abuses of Proverbs

A good thing to remember about the Proverbs is that in Hebrew they are called meshallim ("figures of speech," "parables" or "specially contrived sayings"). A proverb is a brief, particular expression of a truth. The briefer a statement is, the less likely it is to be totally precise and universally applicable. We know that long, highly qualified, elaborate, detailed statements of fact are not only often difficult to understand but virtually impossible for most people to memorize. So the proverbs are phrased in a catchy way, so as to be learn able by anyone. Indeed, in Hebrew many of the proverbs have some sort of rhythm, sound repetition, or vocabulary qualities that make them particularly easy to learn. Consider the English proverbs "Look before you leap" and "A stitch in time saves nine." The repetition of single-syllable words beginning with the letter l in the first case, and the rhythm and rhyme of single-syllable words in the second case are the elements that give these proverbs a certain catchiness. They are not as easy to forget as would be the following statements: "In advance of committing yourself to a course of action, consider your circumstances and options", "There are certain corrective measures for minor problems that, when taken early on in a course of action, forestall major problems from arising."

These latter formulations are more precise but lack the punch and effectiveness of the two well-known wordings, not to mention the fact that they are much harder to remember. "Look before you leap" is a pithy, inexact statement; it can easily be misunderstood, or thought to apply only to jumping. It does not say where or how to look, what to look for, how soon to leap after looking, and it is not even intended to apply literally to jumping!

So it is with Hebrew proverbs. They must be understood reasonably and taken on their own terms. They do not state everything about a truth but they point toward it. They are, taken literally, often technically inexact. But as learnable guidelines for the shaping of selected behavior, they are unsurpassed. Consider Proverbs 6:27-29;

• Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Someone might think, "Now that last line is unclear. What if the mailman accidentally touches another man's wife while delivering the mail? Will he be punished? And are there not some people who commit adultery and get away with it?" but such interpretations miss the point. Proverbs tend to use figurative language and express things suggestively rather than in detail. The point you should get from the proverb is that committing adultery is like playing with fire. God will see to it that sooner or later, in this life or the next, the adulterer will be hurt by his actions. The word "touch" in the last line must be understood euphemistically (cf. 1 Cor. 7:1) if the Holy Spirit's inspired message is not to be distorted. Thus a proverb should not be taken too literally or too universally if its message is to be helpful. For example, consider Proverbs 9:13-18:

• The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house, on a seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way. "Let all who are simple come in hear!" she says to those who lack judgment. "Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave.

This, too, is a pithy proverb for it includes a whole allegory (story pointing to something other than itself by implicit comparisons) in a few verses. Here folly, the opposite of wise living, is personified as a prostitute trying to entice passersby into her house. The fool is characterized by his fascination with forbidden pleasures (v. 17). But the end result of a life of folly is not long life, success, or happiness--it is death. "Stay away from folly!" is the message of this brief allegory. "Don't be taken in! Walk right past those temptations (spelled out in various ways in other proverbs) that folly makes seem attractive!" The wise, godly, moral person will choose a life free from the selfishness of folly. Proverbs like this are somewhat like parables in that they express their truth in a symbolic way.

Another example that will help us understand about Proverbs is from Proverbs 16:3

• Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

This is the sort of proverb that is most often misinterpreted. Not realizing that proverbs tend to be inexact statements pointing to the truth in figurative ways, a person might assume that Proverbs 16:3 is a direct, clear-cut, always applicable promise from God that if one dedicates his or her plans to God, those plans must succeed. People who reason that way, of course, can be disappointed. They can dedicate some perfectly selfish or idiotic scheme to God, then if it happens to succeed, even briefly, they can assume that God blessed it. A hasty marriage, a rash business decision, an ill-thought-out vocational decision--all can be dedicated to God but can eventually result in misery. Or, a person might commit a plan to God only to have it fail; then the person would wonder why God did not keep his promise, why he went back on his inspired Word. In either case they have failed to see that proverb is not categorical, always applicable, ironclad promise, but a more general truth; it teaches that lives committed to God and lived according to his will succeed according to God's definition of success. But according to the world's definition of success, the result may be just the opposite. The story of Job eloquently reminds us of that.

When these proverbs, then, are taken on their own terms, and understood as the special category of suggestive truth that they are, they become important and useful adjuncts for living.

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Contextualizing Christianity is Very Risky

There are great risks involved in attempting to promote a Christianity that is culturally and biblically appropriate. The risk of syncretism is always present. Syncretism is the mixing of Christian assumptions with those world view assumptions that are incompatible with Christianity so that the result is not biblical Christianity.

Syncretism exists whenever people practice Christian rituals because they consider them magic, or use the Bible to cast spells on people or, as in India, consider Jesus just another of many human manifestations of one of their dieties, or as in Latin America, practice pagan divination and witchcraft right in the churches, or insist that people convert to a different culture to become Christians. In America it is syncretistic, unbiblical Christianity that sees "the American way of life" as identical with biblical Christianity or assumes that, by generating enough faith we can pressure God into giving us whatever we want, or that we should out of love and tolerance regard homosexuality and even homosexual "marriage" to go unopposed despite clear biblical condemnations.

But there are at least two paths to syncretism. One is by importing foreign expressions of the faith and allowing the receiving people to attach their own world view assumptions to these practices with little or no guidance from the missionaries. The result is a kind of "nativistic" Christianity or even, as in Latin America, "Christo-paganism." Roman Catholic missionaries, especially, have fallen into this trap by assuming that when people practice so-called "Christian" rituals and use "Christian" terminology, they mean by them the same thing that European Christian mean.

The other way to syncretism is to so dominate a receiving people's practice of Christianity that both the surface-level practices and the deep-level assumptions are imported. The result is a totally foreign, unadapted kind of Christianity that requires people to worship and practice their faith according to foreign patterns and to develop a special set of world view assumptions for church situations that are largely ignored in the rest of their lives. Their traditional world view, then, remains almost untouched by biblical principles. This is the kind of Christianity evangelical Protestants have most often advocated, probably out of a fear of the first kind of syncretism. In many situations, this kind of Christianity is attracting some of those who are westenizing. But the masses of traditional people find little or nothing in Christianity that meets their needs, simply because it is presented and practiced in foreign ways to which they cannot connect.

Though we must be cautious concerning syncretism, there is a middle road that involves deep trust in the Holy Spirit's ability to guide people and the receiving people's ability to follow that guidance. We, then, are to always point to the Holy Spirit (not ourselves) as the Guide while participating with them in discovering His leading. We can assure people that the Holy Spirit will always guide them in accordance with the Scriptures. Practicing this approach, missionary Jacob Loewen chose to never answer directly any questions from the new Christians such as, "What should we do?" Instead, he would ask them, "What is the Holy Spirit showing you?" Only after they had struggled with the answer to that question would he participate with them in seeking guidance, and even then his approach was to offer them at least three alternative approaches from which they might choose. In response to this approach they usually developed a fourth alternative that was uniquely their own. If that approach worked they would continue it. If it did not, they felt free to change it in needed ways, since it was their own and did not come with the prestige that often accompanies the suggestions of respected outsiders.

The lordship of Jesus Christ

We are clear that the fundamental meaning of conversion is a change of allegiance. Other gods and lords--idolatries every one--previously ruled over us. But now Jesus Christ is Lord. The governing principle of the converted life is that it is lived under the lordship of Christ or (for it comes to the same thing) in the Kingdom of God. His authority over us is total. So this new and liberating allegiance leads inevitably to a reappraisal of every aspect of our lives and in particular of our world view, our behavior, and our relationships.

First, our world view. We are agreed that the heart of every culture is a "religion" of some kind, even if it is an irreligious religion like Marxism. "Culture is religion made visible" (J. H. Bavinck). And "religion" is a whole cluster of basic beliefs and values, which is the reason why for our purposes we are using "world view" as an equivalent expression. True conversion to Christ is bound, therefore, to strike at the heart of our cultural inheritance. Jesus Christ insists on dislodging from the center of our world whatever idol previously reigned there, and occupying the throne himself. This is the radical change of allegiance which constitutes conversion, or at least its beginning. Then once Christ has taken his rightful place, everything else starts shifting. The shock waves flow from the center to the circumference. The convert has to rethink his or her fundamental convictions. This is metanoia, "repentance" viewed as a change of mind, the replacement of "the mind of the flesh" by "the mind of Christ." Of course, the development of an integrated Christian world view may take a lifetime, but it is there in essence from the start. If it does grow, the explosive consequences cannot be predicted.

Secondly, our behavior. The lordship of Jesus challenges our moral standards and whole ethical life style. Strictly speaking, this is not "repentance" but rather the "fruit that befits repentance" (Matt. 3:8), the change of outlook. Both our minds and our wills must submit to the obedience of Christ (2 Cor. 10:5; Matt 11:29, 30; John 13:13)

Conversion delivers both from the inversion which is too preoccupied with self to bother about other people and from the fatalism which considers it impossible to help them. Conversion is spurious if it does not liberate us to love.

Thirdly, our relationships. Although the convert should do his utmost to avoid a break with nation, tribe and family, sometimes painful conflicts arise. It is clear also that conversion involves a transfer from one community to another, that is, from fallen humanity to God's new humanity. It happened from the very beginning on the Day of Pentecost: "Save yourselves from this crooked generation," Peter appealed. So those who received his message were baptized into the new society, devoted themselves to the new fellowship, and found that the Lord continued to add to their numbers daily (Acts 2:40-47). At the same time, their "transfer" from one group to another meant rather that they were spiritually distinct than that they were socially segregated. They did not abandon the world. On the contrary, they gained a new commitment to it, and went out into it to witness and to serve.

All of us should cherish great expectations of such radical conversions in our day, involving converts in a new mind, a new way of life, a new community, and a new mission, all under the lordship of Christ.

Leadership Defined

Most simply defined, leadership is the process of influence. The process always includes a number of key components: leaders, followers, a situation in which they interact; means for influence which emerge from the leader and from the community; values; time for the interactions to occur; and goals which the leader(s) and followers seek to achieve. Leadership is a complex influence process in which leaders and followers interact in a context or a series of contexts over time. Within this context the leaders exercise influence with the followers toward a mutually desired goal. The effectiveness of the leadership process is contingent on a wide variety of contextual variables, some of which are influenced by the leader(s) and followers and some over which they have no influence.

J. R. Clinton offers a useful contemporary definition which reflects a "complex contingency" leadership perspective:

Leadership is

1. a dynamic process over an extended period of time,
2. in various situations in which a leader utilizing leadership resources,
3. and by specific leadership behaviors,
4. influences the thoughts and activity of followers,
5. toward accomplishment of person/task aims,
6. mutually beneficent for leaders, followers and the macro context of which they are a part.

in addition to these six important components in Clinton's definition, two important issues must be added. The worldview of the leader, followers and the community in which they live must also be considered. Within this world view one can find what is commonly described as philosophy, and values. One's theology also flows out of his/her worldview. A second consideration is the interactional dynamics of the variables. One can not separate the influence of the leader, followers and situation from values and influence means. All are inextricably interwoven in a dynamic influence process.

Christian leadership, however, differs from secular, business, or political leadership. Leadership models for the church "must be drawn from the scripture and evaluated in terms of accountability to Christ. These leadership models move away from the focus of personal and corporate power which aim at personal advantage so typical of non-Christian settings. These models focus on spiritual power and authority as the primary influence means of achieving God's purpose

Clinton captures this distinctive by describing a Christian leader as:

A person with God-given capacity and God-given responsibility to influence a specific group of God's people toward God's purposes for the group.

As Christian leaders we need to understand what spiritual leadership is and how it functions both to improve our own leading and to better equip others as they lead. God has called us not only to do the work of ministry, but to multiply others who will serve and equip others also.

As in Adam so in Christ

In Romans 5:12-21 we are not only told something about Adam; we are told also something about the Lord Jesus. 'As through the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, even so through the obedience of the one shall the many be made righteous.' In Adam we receive everything that is of Adam; in Christ we receive everything that is of Christ.

The terms 'in Adam' and 'in Christ' are too little understood by Christians, and, at the risk of repetition, I wish to emphasize by means of an illustration the hereditary and racial significance of the term 'in Christ'. This illustration is to be found in the letter to the Hebrews. Do you remember that in the earlier part of that letter the writer is trying to show that Melchizedek is greater than Levi? You recall that the point to be proved is that the priesthood of Christ is greater than the priesthood of Aaron who was of the tribe of Levi. Now, in order to prove that, he has first to prove that the priesthood of Melchizedek is greater than the priesthood of Levi, for the simple reason that the priesthood of Christ is 'after the order of Melchizedek' (Heb. 7:14-17), while that of Aaron is, of course, after the order of Levi. If the writer can demonstrate to us that in the eyes of God Melchizedek is greater than Levi, then he has made his point. That is the issue, and he proves it in a remarkable way.

He tells us in Hebrews chapter 7 that one day Abraham, returning from the battle of the kings (Gen. 14), offered a tithe of his spoils to Melchizedek and received from him a blessing. Inasmuch as Abraham did so, Levi is therefore of less account than Melchizedek. Why? Because the fact that Abraham offered tithes to Melchizedek means that Isaac 'in Abraham' offered to Melchizedek. But if that is true, then Jacob also 'in Abraham' offered to Melchizedek, which inturn means that Levi 'in Abraham' offered to Melchizedek. It is evident that the lesser offers to the greater (Heb. 7:7). So Levi is less in standing than Melchizedek, and therefore the priesthood of Aaron is inferior to that of the Lord Jesus. Levi at the time of the battle of the kings was not yet even thought of. Yet he was 'in the loins of his father' Abraham, and, 'so to say, through Abraham', he offered (Heb. 7:9,10).

Now this is the exact meaning of 'in Christ'. Abraham, as the head of the family of faith, includes the whole family in himself. When he offered to Melchizedek, the whole family offered in him to Melchizedek. They did not offer separately as individuals, but they were in him, and therefore in making his offering he included with himself all his seed.

So we are presented with a new possibility. In Adam all was lost. Through the disobedience of one man we were all constituted sinners. By him sin entered and death through sin, and throughout the race sin has reigned unto death from that day on. But now a ray of light is cast upon the scene. Through the obedience of Another we may be constituted righteous. Where sin abounded grace did much more abound, and as sin reigned unto death, even so may grace rign through righteousness into eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord (Rom. 5:19-21). Our despair is in Adam; our hope is in Christ.

Worship

What is Worship?

Whereas edification focuses on benefiting believers, worship is directed at God. The essence of worship is the intentional ascription of worth, service, and reverence to the Lord. Worship can take place in public or private, in individual or corporate ways. In fact, for the integrated believer, in one way or another, everything in life can be understood as an act of worship. In this sense, worship is expressed in one's overall approach to life and in every area of life (Romans 12:1). Worship creates a home for the soul as it learns to rest in God. As Isaiah 26:3 (NASB) promises, The steadfast of mind Thou wilt keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in Thee. This is good news in a culture where the average person changes his or her geographic home about every four years.

A more specific form of worship occurs in specific acts of praise and exultation, especially in the assembly with the people of God. Of special importance to this latter understanding is the conscious expression of worship in the very act of study in high school or college or in and through the vocation a believer selects.

Worship and the Nature of God

There is another aspect of worship that is extremely important. To grasp this aspect, consider a young man who respects and, in a certain sense, reveres a sports figure precisely because that figure is good at what he does. In this case, the sports figure is a worthy object of that respect and reverence. If the sports figure were in reality a complete joke at his sport, then while it would be permissible for the young man to like the sports figure, it would be inappropriate for the young man to revere him.

A person ought to proportion his respect and reverence to the actual worthiness of the object of that respect and reverence. If a second sports figure came along who was superior in skill to the first hero, the young man would owe the second athlete more reverence than he gives the inferior athlete. Even if a second athlete never came along, the young man should not give total reverence to his hero because he doesn't deserve it. This becomes obvious when we realize that if a superior athlete were to enter the scene or if the revered hero were to improve his skills over the years, then the young man would be obliged to hive more respect to the new hero or to the same hero now improved.

These insights about respect have dramatic implications for our worship of God. Theologians describe God as a maximally perfect being. This means that God is not merely the greatest, most perfect being who happens to exist. He is the greatest being that could possibly exist. If God were merely the greatest being who happens to exist, it would be possible to conceive of a case where a greater god could come along (even if such a being did not actually exist) or where the real God grew in His excellence. In these cases, our degree of worship ought to increase and, therefore, a God who just happened to be the greatest being around (and who could be surpassed in excellence) would not be a worthy object of total worship.

Fortunately, the God of the Bible is a maximally perfect being; that is, He is the greatest being that could possibly exist. It is impossible for a greater bing to supersede God or for God Himself to improve Himself in any way. Thus, God is owed our supreme, total worship.

This is why Scripture calls idolatry the activity of giving more dedication to something finite than to God. God is worthy of the very best efforts we can give Him in offering our respect and service through the cultivation of our total personality.

Problems give meaning to life

A wise philosopher once commented that an eagle's only obstacle to overcome for flying with greater speed and ease is the air. Yet, if the air were withdrawn, and the proud bird were to fly in a vacuum, it would fall instantly to the ground, unable to fly at all. The very element that offers resistance to flying is at the same time the condition for flight.

The main obstacle that a powerboat has to overcome is the water against the propeller, yet, if it were not for this same resistance, the boat would not move at all.

The same law, that obstacles are conditions of success, holds true in human life. A life free of all obstacles and difficulties would reduce all possibilities and powers to zero. Eliminate problems and life loses its creative tension. The problem of mass ignorance gives meaning to education. The problem of ill health gives meaning to medicine. The problem of social disorder gives meaning to government.

In the South, when cotton was "king," the boll weevil crossed over from Mexico to the United States and destroyed the cotton plants. Farmers were forced to grow a variety of crops, such as soybeans and peanuts. They learned to use their land to raise cattle, hogs, and chickens. As a result, many more farmers became prosperous than in the days when the only crop grown was cotton.

The people of Enterprise, Alabama, were so grateful for what had occurred that in 1910 they erected a monument to the boll weevil. When they turned from the single-crop system to diversified farming, they became wealthier. The inscription on the monument reads: "In profound appreciation of the boll weevil and what it has done to herald prosperity."

We all have a tendency all of our lives to want to get rid of problems and responsibilities. When that temptation arises, remember the youth who was questioning a lonely old man. "What is life's heaviest burden?" he asked. The old fellow answered sadly, "Having nothing to carry."

Connecting (Book Reviews)

The Mentoring Relationships You Need To Succeed in Life by Paul D. Stanley & J. Robert Clinton

None of us are fully equipped to excel in life. Our weaknesses, blind spots, limited capabilities, and lack of experience all point to one thing--interdependence. Which is why connecting with others plays such an indispensable role in healthy development.

Having access to the wisdom, experience, vision, and direction of those who have gone before can put you years ahead of where you'd be on your own. And, in addition to enhancing your own potential in all of life's growth areas (spiritual, emotional, professional, relational, etc.), the things you'll discover will equip you to help others as well.

So why don't we place more of a priority on developing these essential, empowering relationships? Are we uneasy with the vulnerability, assuming it will be perceived as weakness? Do we hesitate to ask, not wanting to impose on anyone else's busy schedule? Are we reluctant to provide guidance for others, not wanting to come across as proud or self-important?

Each of these factors can play a part, of course. But the main reason we miss out, according to Stanley and Clinton, is that we simply don't understand the true nature of mentoring--a problem that is easily overcome.

The fruit of over40 combined years of experience, and research into the lives of more than 600 past and present leaders, Connecting will show you:

• How to find the right mentors, even when it seems none are available. (By pointing to the seven different types of mentoring influences, the authors dispel the notion that there is only one "ideal mentor" for each of us, and they show how it's possible never to be without at least one active mentoring relationship.)
• How the three dynamics of successful mentoring can guarantee rewarding relationships.
• What a balanced range of mentoring relationships should look like, and how they can help you avoid the five most common forms of failure.
• Dozens of illustrations and ideas on how mentoring can work for you right now, at whatever stage of life your find yourself.

Authors:

Paul D. Stanley is International Vice President of the Navigators, and has been active in the field of leadership development for more than 20 years.

Dr. J. Robert Clinton is Associate Professor of Leadership at the School of World Mission, Fuller Theological Seminary.

ISBN 0-89109-638-8

Stewardship

One of the tasks of the Church is to capably manage God's earthly wealth. We are to act as stewards of God's resources, returning a portion of that wealth to Him for ministry efforts.

Within ministry circles today the debate continues as to whether people are called to tithe or to present to God a heartfelt, sacrificial offering of their wealth. Likewise, church leaders debate whether resources donated for God's work should go entirely to a local church or be distributed among one or more ministries.

And yet the indisputable principle embedded in Scripture remains constant: We are to invest a substantial portion of God's wealth in ministry. Those who love God and rely upon the Church for their spiritual growth are responsible to give generously toward its support (see Neh. 13:10; 1 Cor. 16:1-4). Stewardship goes beyond the giving of money to encompass the management of all of the resources God has entrusted to us, including our time, relationships, and skills. Ultimately, true stewardship is a reflection of righteousness, gratitude, obedience, and sensitivity.

Interestingly, stewardship is also described as an act of worship, as a means to further blessing and as a means of effective outreach to the unsaved. Thus, without appropriate stewardship activity, the work of the Church is hindered and incomplete.

Overall, the Church may take many forms, but for us to be the complete, healthy Church envisioned by God and defined in the Bible we must have consistent involvement in all six of these dimensions. The failure to integrate one or more of these components into our life leaves us spiritually incomplete imbalanced, and vulnerable. The failure to invest in each of these areas concurrently render the Church similarly weakened. Our aim must be to develop the Church in ways that weave together this rich tapestry of exhortations, examples, experiences, and emphases.

Conflicting Expectations

Examples of conflicting expectations include the following.

• Company mergers. Look at what happened with Roger Smith at General Motors and Ross Perot at Electronic Data Systems. When these two cultures came together, the executives clashed in their attempts to deal with tough problems and mesh two different social wills. We saw, on one hand, Ross Perot advocating the rights of the common worker--trying to do away with layers of management and special executive privileges, seemingly unaware that certain features of the GM culture are intergenerational and simply can't be done away with overnight. Consultants can't mandate changes like that. It takes more education and a lot of communication. But most people in acquisitions and mergers don't get into meaningful two-way communication. They play either hard ball or soft ball, win-lose or lose-win.

• Marriage relations. Today, many of the once hidden issues and expectations of marriage are out in the open. But there is still much debate over the role of the man and the woman. For example, if a young man from a more traditional family approaches marriage with the implicit expectation "I'm the breadwinner, and you take care of the kids," he may be in for a rude awakening. It's evident that young and old couples alike are struggling with conflicting role expectations. Many women are unfulfilled without a professional career out side the home--a phenomenon fueled by a society that doesn't provide much appreciation, validation, and reinforcement for women as homemakers.

• Education. Each special-interest group sees education through its own pair of glasses, and each points to different problems and proposes different solutions. One burgeoning issue is the emerging trend toward providing character education in the schools, which is more and more needed as the traditional two-parent family breaks down.

• Parent-child relations. Parents often experience conflicting expectations in their relationships with their children, especially as these children enter teenage years. Parent and child have different ideas about their roles, and these ideas change as they go through various stages of growth and development.

• Government relations. Is the role of government to do good, or is the role of government to keep people from doing harm? If I am working with someone who believes that the government's role is to do good, we may have totally different expectations, which leads to conflict, disappointment, and cynicism.